How to Deal With an Ex Who Withholds Child Visitation?

When you can't afford child support, it puts you in more than a financial and legal bind. It can also cause problems with your ex. often ex-spouses do not or choose not to understand that the non-custodial parent's financial situation may change. They often will deny you visitation because you are unable to pay child support. It is important to understand your rights in this matter. If you are being denied visitation, then you should get legal counsel and advice.

When the custodial parent refuses to cooperate with the court-ordered visitation schedule, he or she may cite a number of reasons for doing so. They may claim that the child does not wish to see you, or that they do not have to give you visitation if you are not paying child support. Neither of these are legally sufficient excuses for withholding visitation. The Court will think about denial of visitation at least two ways:

(1) Is the party denying visitation intentionally violating a Court Order; and,

(2) Is the denial of visitation in the best interests of the minor children?

Occasionally, a bona fide medical emergency could be a legally valid reason to temporarily deny visitation, as the reason for granting the visitation in the first place was to protect the interests of the children. Most of the time, the reason(s) given why Court Ordered visitation is denied will not be legally sufficient. Do not be intimidated. You have a right to see your children on the times and dates outlined in your Custody Agreement. A family lawyer or child custody Attorney can offer you legal counsel in regard to how to resolve your custody situation. It is important to follow some general guidelines, both for legal reasons and for the welfare and safety of your children.

First, evidence really does matter in Court, so get some. Try to get your ex to correspond with you in writing via email or text messages, and if your ex sends you that email or text that says essentially "I will not obey the Court Order", please keep that for use in Court. When your ex tells you that he or she will not allow you visitation during your Court Ordered visitation times, it is important that your fulfill your end of the agreement by showing up at the times and places for visitation, as outlined in your custody agreement. Bring a credible witness with you, if possible, who can verify that your ex was not present or that he or she refused you visitation. It has been seen that many non-custodial parents simply give up when their ex threatens to withhold visitation. This is not a good strategy, because your ex will almost certainly later deny not allowing you visitation, and the bad parent regularly claims that you just did not show up during your visitation time. Lack of evidence to support your case will undermine your chances in Court.

Second, although it is important that you show up for your visitation days and times, do not make a scene when your ex refuses visitation, especially if the children are present. If you yell, scream, make threats, or even worse, lay a hand on your ex, he or she may be able to get a Restraining Order, despite the fact that you had a legitimate right to be angry with him or her. This will allow your ex to position you as an aggressive person and possibly as a bad parent. Remember, your ex is intentionally refusing to obey a valid Court Order, and this one fact should tell you all you need to know - your ex cannot be trusted. An experienced San Jose divorce lawyer will tell you that parties who intentionally violate valid Court Orders tend to be the parties who are the most likely to lie under oath, and the most likely to exaggerate anything, if they can do so to their advantage. That means you should be very much on guard for any form of trickery, and the value of having a reliable third party witness with you simply cannot be overstated. Remaining calm, and handling this potential Contempt of Court matter like a reasonable adult will not only help demonstrate to the Judge that you are a reasonable person, but also that you have the best interests of the children in mind.

Third, do not let too much water go under the bridge. If you allow the other party to bully you for too long, the Court might start to wonder whether a new status quo has developed. Children's memories do not run as long as those of adults, and many months without seeing one parent can take an already weak emotional bond and sever it. The reason you want to see your children is to maintain that bond. Act quickly. After only a few visits have been missed (and you have your proof ready) then file a Request for Order to go to Court without further delay. Nothing speeds up settlement with bad parties faster than the threat that they will have to face the Judge soon. Finally, seek legal advice as soon as possible.

Tom Stutzman is a San Jose Family Law Attorney with over 36 years of experience in handling family law matters, including numerous acrimonious move away cases. Tom Stutzman can help with divorces, child support, custody and visitation right , restraining orders, prenuptial agreements, and more.